My Higher Power is John Stamos
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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