It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So many bounce houses so little time
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
