just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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