Already got asked if we're dating
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
