you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just high enough for therapy.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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