i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
