Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
