Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
