I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
