i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
