My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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