i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
