I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize