I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
