Soap is not a condiment
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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