I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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