I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize