hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
