he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he just fucked me for my cheese.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Lo siento on account of my penis...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
