i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
