laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
