I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
