I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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