a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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