I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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