How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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