you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i think im in europe. pls send help
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
