His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
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