he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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