Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My feet surprised me
Randomize
