i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
