The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
