Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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