you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
