you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So many bounce houses so little time
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
