im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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