i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
