is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
