i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
