Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
