can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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