I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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