the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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