dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
last night I used snow as a chaser
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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