i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
