someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
