I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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