How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
