hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
