does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
