I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Is Oprah even human
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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