just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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