That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
