this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
