The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
