forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
