I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
