So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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