Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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