Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
