That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
