Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
