he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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