that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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