You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
