When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize