Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
