Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
