Don't you send me to vm
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
