to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
