Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
