We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
