You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
