you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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