Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
