Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
