Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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