Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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