Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
