so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
