Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
